Don’t share a Coke with Handsome.

Chris Packham has just launched an initiative with Lidl, to clear up our green spaces. In light of this I thought we should have an in depth look at the litterbug. Until now, the litterbug has remained faceless, chucking its waste into our parks and woodlands when we’re not looking. Thanks to Coca-cola, we can now put a name to this elusive bug. Handsome.


Who is Handsome? Well, for a start, his parents are narcissists. Why else would they give their child an adjective instead of a name? Being a teacher, I’ve met a lot of adjectives: Precious, Miraculous, Wonderful etc. More often than not, the adjectives don’t paint a very accurate picture of the child. I do feel sorry for Handsome. His parents obviously want the best for him, that’s why they’ve got him the fizzy drink without the sugar in it, but they don’t care enough about him to teach him any morals. Here lies the problem. You can’t just label your child ‘Handsome’ and expect him to turn out that way. This discarded bottle tells a tragic story, and what is even more tragic is that this bottle will outlive Handsome, as will all the others he litters the planet with, over the course of his life.

This particular bit of litter was on the other side of a 10 foot fence, in a cemetery. It must have actually taken some effort to do it. On the other side of the fence was the bus stop from which I imagine he threw it, trying to impress Precious and Wonderful, next to… you guessed it, a bin. Exasperation.


Of course it’s not only Handsome ruining our planet, but I don’t feel too bad picking on him. He wouldn’t care anyway. I investigated a little further, following the bug’s trail of destruction to its root. TESCO.





The trail grew deeper and wider until it resembled a landfill site running alongside TESCO. Although it’s not the shop itself doing the littering, you’d think they’d want to make an effort to clean it up. Elmers End isn’t exactly the garden of Eden but it might look more inviting if you didn’t have to wade through this.



The sad thing is that between my flat and TESCO, a half hour walk, I counted at least fifteen different species of creature, having their environment choked to death by adjectives and other scumbags devoid of any awareness of nature. What is it that these people are missing from their brains, that causes them to act in this way? Can they not see the beauty in nature? The answer is that Handsome can only see Handsome. If only he could see how ugly he truly is.





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